AHHH!! I hate this town. I hate the city. I hate this state. I also happen to hate the word "hate" but right now, my passionate dislike for this place is ridiculous.

I feel like I'm just watching my senior year go by, and I'm just sitting back and watching it. it fustrates me. I missed both dances this year(Homecoming and turnabout/sadie hawkins) and I won't be going to prom. I'm really upset about it, but there's nothing I can do. Prom for seniors involves the actual prom, then the cruise downtown in Lake Michigan until 4am. and Six Flags Great America the next day, and ditching school that monday to catch up on sleep. I can't afford it, and I won't have a date. Even if Andy is home during prom, he is 21, and we're not allowed to bring anyone older than 20 to prom. :[  Other than missing all of the dances, my "best friend" and the entire group of "friends" I had with her have ditched me. So I spend my weekends with my mom, or in my room reading and/or writing. I ususally talk with Andy a bit too. And about once a month Mario comes over to play video games, talk, make smoothies or whatever. And Nathan(and sometimes Jason) comes over once a month to play WiiFit, Spore, and do random things. But it always works out that they come over on the same weekend. So one weekend a month, I spend with my boys. I don't goto parties, I don't chill with any girls, I don't have sleepovers and do makeovers, or gossip about boys. And it sucks so bad. It hurts that everybody just turned their backs on me. I'm not even sure what I did. I know I hurt my "best friend" but I thoguht we worked through things, and I even stopped hanging out with mario for a while becasue of her, but when she didn't make an effort to be there for me when I needed her, or to just be a friend to me, I went back to hanging with Mario. He's a true friend, and he hasn't hurt me. Not like she did.

The people in this stupid town are so stuck up and snobby, I just want to smack them and yell at them that looks aren't everything, and nobody will care about your Prada bag once you leave high school. This town is so suffocating, but it's not like I can get out. Where would I go? Back to Chicago? HAHAHA. I hate Chicago even more. the people are rude and disgusting, everybody is corrupt... but everybody in this damn state is corrupt. Where I used to live in Chicago was down the street from former Gov. Blagojevich. And I've met Chicago's Mayor Daley. And they are both scum bags. UGHH.

On a brighter note... I got accepted to the UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI!!!!! Hell yeah. I know how weird... I was born and raised in Chicago, IL. and I am going to college in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Once I go there, I'm only comign back to Illinois for Christmases. Other than that, I am never coming back. I plan on spending the rest of my life in Mississippi. I never ever want to return to this place. The only reason I would even go back for Christmases is becasue of my great Uncel Joe, who is in a nursing home, and becasue of my poor mother who is having a hard time with the thought of me going so far away.

So I plan on running away from all these stupid people. Everybody who has mistreated me, everybody who has turned their backs on me and everybody who is just a stupid whore. Come July... I won't ever have to see any of these people ever again. I will be in the middle of nowhere, and I will never come home to see any of them. Nobody(with the exceptions of Nate, Diane and Mario) has proven they are worth the hassle of coming back. So I won't.

I'm also happy that i'm going to college so far away becasue it means getting away from my brother. He has estranged himself from our family, and it's his own fault. I don't even care anymore. I was getting sick of always being upset, and having to act liek thigns were okay. I hated that I had to accept his empty apology. I hate that he won't goto see our Uncle, who has done everything for us and always made sure we had what we needed. It's too much of a hassle for him. I was getting sick of seeing my mom cry when my brother would say things in front of her. I'm still not sure if he was just stupid and didn't think abotu what he was saying, or if he was purposely saying things he knew was hurtful towards my mother. I need to get away from this, right now he still owes my parents like 250$ for car and insurance payments. My mom ended up trying to be nice andpaid it so he wouldnt get a late fee. Now becasue he still hasn't paid her back, we are strugling even more. theres not much food in our house. We keep running out of food for the dogs(we go try to buy some more asap or feed them some human food). 250$ doesnt seem like much, but it's my brother's responsibility to pay his own bills, and he hasn't. which makes things harder.

So once I goto MS, I won't have to deal with my estranged brother, annoyingly stupid people, this horrible place, or anyother crap. I love how secluded MS is, and its so peaceful. I love my family there too. I will never be bored. I really cannot wait to go there, escape from all of this, and start a brand new life. It's the only thing that keeps me going from day to day. If an escape wasnt only a few months away... I'm not sure  what I would do with myself, or to myself.

OHHH
one last thing... I found out Andy is going to a base in Panama City, Florida. and He should be home around May 10th. YAY!!

First post.

I'm Stephanie Jo. Gonna be 18 in March, and I am getting my first tattoo then. :]
I'm graduating high school at the end of May. FINALLY!!
I also get to see somebody in May <3 May will be a great month.
I live in Illinois, but I want to goto college in Mississippi... University of Southern Miss to be exact.
I don't mind talking to people. I'm shy, but I'll talk.

i`M A STR0NG GiiRL
KEEPiNG MY SHiiT iN LiNE
EVEN WHEN THE TEARS ARE
STREAMiiNG D0WN MY FACE
i STiLL MANAGE T0 SAY THE W0RDS
" i`M FiiNE. "